Lyrics & Discography

Here is our complete list of songs, more or less, lyrics open in place. For album listings use this link

Every single mother fucking one of these god damn tunes is on the underappreciated and often overlooked label, Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records.

• Krampus Is Coming To Town (released)

  A jolly and festive seasonal song.

  Copyright © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 3:10

  Recorded: 2015

  Released: 2015

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Guitar, Synth: Will Wonkers

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Christmas time is in the air
  With presents under the tree
  Unless of course, you've been a naughty child
  Then you'll burn in the bowels of hell...
  
  Christmas is canceled
  The Yule Tide dismantled
  The presents you bought
  Will soon be for naught
  Your joy and good tidings
  Will run into hiding
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  Your holiday cheer
  And all you hold dear
  Will soon be forgotten
  As memories gone rotten
  His pain you will feel
  As you squirm and squeal
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  He'll lash you with his tongue
  He'll bite you with his teeth
  He'll pull you down deep to drown
  In a pit of fire beneath!
  With big pointy horns
  And wrists in a shackle
  Your blood will run cold
  When you hear him cackle!
  HA HA HA HA!!!
  
  If you misbehaved
  Then you'll be enslaved
  He'll screw down your thumbs
  Shove coal up your bum!
  Old Krampus lay's waste
  And Santa's disgraced
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  You say what's that stench?
  You say what's that smell?
  It's brimstone direct from
  The fiery depths of hell!
  He'll snatch you up quick
  He'll stuff you in his basket
  He's the ANTI Claus who
  Puts you in a casket!
  
  He doesn't care if you are sleeping
  He'll beat you wide awake
  He knows that you've been bad - not good.
  He'll drown you in the lake... OF FIRE!!!!!
  
  Your future looks bleak
  You're way up the creek
  Your status quite dire
  He'll drown you in fi re!
  So go pout and cry
  Cause you're doomed to die
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  There's nowhere to run
  There's nowhere to hide
  Your yuletide probation has been denied!
  He'll kick you with his hooves
  He'll whip you with his switch
  Man being on Krampus' naughty list
  Is such a royal bitch!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Kram...pus... is co...ming... to toooown!
  CHA CHA CHA!

• Either Way It's Fine With Me (unreleased)

  The first song we ever recorded was a cover tune originally performed by Randee of the Redwoods, written by Jim Turner and Scott Mathews

  Original copyright 1986 Jim Turner (aka Randee of the Redwoods) & Scott Mathews

  

  Length:

  Recorded: 1988

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Guitar, Bass Guitar: Will Wonkers

  Lead Guitar: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent, Knife, Fork

  Drums: Drum Drops

  Written by: Jim Turner & Scott Mathews

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics on YouTube.

• Do The Twitch (previously released)

  Our second song ever recorded, an original.

  There is also a censored version, with the fun words bleeped, for the easily offended.

  Copyright © 1988 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:57

  Recorded: 1988

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  [spoken]
  Here it comes...
  
  Lights!
  Camera!
  Umm Um um...
  
  (action)
  
  Oh darn.
  Oh
  
  [sung]
  Everybody's doing a brand new dance now
  [spoken]
  (what, I sing now?)
  (yeah yeah yeah sing now)
  (sorry, okay)
  
  [sung]
  Everybody does it like Vivian Vance now
  
  It's a little tougher to grasp than the birds and the bees
  But it's easier to do than counting 1 - 2 - 3
  Ya do the twitch
  Hey ya do the twitch
  Ya do the twitch, twitch twitch, twitch
  Ya do the Twitch
  I get my kicks
  From nervous ticks
  I do the twitch
  
  You don't even gotta lift your feet now
  Dup dup dup dup
  Just tense your muscles to the beat now
  Dup dup dup dup
  Don't ask what inspired us to write this song
  We don't even know
  Come on twitch along
  Ya do the twitch
  Hey ya do the twitch
  Ya do the twitch, twitch twitch, twitch
  Ya do the Twitch
  That muscle spasm
  Makes me orgasm
  Let's do the twitch
  
  [rap]
  Well it's the new dance craze
  And everybody's doing it
  Even Helen Hayes
  Which doesn't rhyme with corn
  But I call it maize
  So fuck em' all anyways
  And do the twitch!
  
  [sung]
  Ya do the twitch
  Ya do the twitch
  Ya do the twitch
  I do the twitch
  Myself
  
  Ya do the t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-twitch
  Ya do the t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-twitch
  (twitch)
  Ya do the twitch
  (Twitch)
  Ned does the twitch
  (twitch)
  
  [spoken]
  That's it Ned, you got it woooo rock and roll
  (twitch twitch)
  All right, yeah yeah
  (twitch)
  Uh hey Ned, man I didn't know you were and epileptic
  (twitchatatwtwttttwwwwitch)
  Hes having a seizure, somebody call a doctor quick
  (t-t-t-t--t-t-twwwwchchchaaa)
  N-now Ned Ned, Ned just relax this is all gonna come to pass
  (twitch)
  You okay man?
  
  TWITCH!

• Death To The Yuppies (previously released)

  It HAD to be done!

  There is also a censored version, with the fun words bleeped, for the easily offended.

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 2:02

  Recorded: 1989

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Guitar, Bass and Lead: Will Wonkers

  Drum Programming: Will Wonkers

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Goin' downtown
  Gonna kick some trendy asses
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Gonna find me a yuppie
  And smash his glasses
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  To the ATM's
  With their cards in their hands
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Gotta get more money
  For the candy man
  
  Caus' he doesn't take checks
  And So We Say!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  (ow that hurts)
  
  There they go
  On their Honda Scooters
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Like to give em' all
  A nice swift kick in their hooters
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  They make me sick
  And I'll tell you why
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  They're pompous pricks
  And they should die
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Yuppie bitch
  Your clit smells like calm chowder
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Up your nose
  Goes that white powder
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  We're talking murder
  It aint no joke
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Caus' we put Strychnine
  In your coke
  
  Ha ha ha ha ha
  
  Mary had a little scam
  Little scam
  Little Scam
  Little Scam
  Mary had a little scam
  Her purse was filled with blow
  
  Death!
  Death!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  
  Death!
  
  Death!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Death!
  Death!
  Death!
  Death to the yuppies!
  
  Ha ha ha
  
  Death to yuppies
  Heh heh heh heh heh

• Kill The Poor (unreleased)

  A commentary not on 1980s anarchistic thinking, but rather what stupid little insta-punk poseur teens strung out on smack thought it to be.

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:46

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  This is our completely worthless pointless meaningless anarchist statement
  Kill the poor!
  
  Kill the Poor
  Feed the rich
  Capitalist gluttons
  Are such a bitch
  But if the poor
  Exist no more
  Hey man, the rich will become the poor
  
  Kill the poor
  Kill the poor
  Kick the rich in their ass
  Make them the lower class
  Kill the poor
  
  Twelve O'clock
  Where're the cops
  They're hanging out
  At the doughnut shop
  While I get mugged
  For twenty bucks
  They're eating doughnuts
  What the fuck
  
  Crooked cops get free drugs to take
  By not reporting the busts they make
  Search and seizure
  At their leisure
  Hey man just ask
  It's a whole lot easier
  
  Kill the poor
  Kill the poor
  Kick the rich in their ass
  Make them the lower class
  Kill the poor
  
  Bad bad punk
  
  Kill the poor
  Kill the poor
  Kick the rich in their ass
  Make them the lower class
  Kill the poor
  
  Kill the poor
  (kill the poor)
  Kill the poor
  (kill the poor)
  Kick the rich in their ass
  Make them the lower cla..
  
  Uh hey wait a minute, Ned
  You know if we're singing kill the poor
  Yeah
  Like I only have a dollar twenty five to my name
  Oh man I only got twenty three cents
  That makes us poor
  Oh shit
  Hey look he's got a gun
  Aaaaahhhhh

• Taʞo Hell (released)

  Reflections on a unique dining experience. Also written Tako Hell.

  Lyrics Copyright
  Music Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 3:25

  Recorded: 1989

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  [spoken]
  Ya know Ned, all this rock and roll business is making me hungry.
  Me too, let's go here it looks open
  Okay
  
  Woahhhh check out the weird art deco
  Ugly
  Yeah real ugly
  May I take your order
  Can he take your order
  Aaaaah yeah ill take two bean burritos
  Nope.
  No no no no no no no no
  Two. Two soft tacos
  (doctor pepper)
  Nope
  Uhmmmmm
  Ah ah
  Two enchiladas
  (dr pepper)
  Do you want anything
  Doctor pepper man
  And uhh
  (no ice)
  Two medium dr peppers.
  (no ice)
  No ice
  No ice!
  No ice!
  No ice! Where do you think you are!
  
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  (uuh)
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  (uuh)
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  (uuh)
  Eh eh errarrawwrrr
  
  [sung]
  Cheap ground beef is all around
  Scraping dead rodents off the ground
  And if you're feeling a little green
  You just ate our burrito supreme
  
  Now you may think it's really swell
  But this sure ain't no taco bell
  Eat here if you can stand the smell
  This is really Tako Hell
  
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  
  Well you ate a poison taco now you're gone croak
  (oooohhh)
  Pay a dollar ninety five if you want the antidote
  Maggots roaches worms and slugs galore
  (oh man that's gross)
  Take one bite and you'll want more
  
  Now you may think it's really swell
  But this sure ain't no taco bell
  Eat here if you can stand the smell
  This is really Tako Hell
  
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  
  Hey was that taco with or without boogers hum
  Death to Ronald McDonald
  Kill burger king
  
  Well thanks for coming and have a nice day
  But don't blame us if your stomach starts to decay
  We're proud to admit it
  Our food is the pits
  
  It can give you a grand old case of the.. uuh, runs
  Yeah
  
  Now you may think it's really swell
  But this sure ain't no taco bell
  Eat here if you can stand the smell
  This is really Tako Hell
  
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  
  This is Tako Hell
  This is Tako Hell
  This is Tako Hell
  (get out)
  This is Tako Hellllllll ah ah its hellllllllllllll

• I Wanna Go To The Morgue (previously released)

  Inspired by a trip to the hospital and a nervous girlfriend of band member Will Wonkers.

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:27

  Recorded: 1989

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  [verse]
  The ambulance dropped off some new friends today
  They were here for an hour then the hearse hauled them away
  This guy died when he was ninety three years old
  No one talks back and the sodas always cold
  
  [chorus]
  I wanna go to the morgue
  I wanna see some stiffs chillin' on ice
  I wanna go to the morgue
  Yes I'm sure that it will be really nice
  Oh please Mister coroner won't you take us
  Seeing cold corpses is gonna make us
  Oh oohhh oh
  I wanna go to the morgue
  
  [verse]
  We get to see autopsies for free
  By posing as the family attorney
  Here is George, he was stabbed fifty three times
  We don't know what to sing next, we ran out of rhymes
  
  [chorus]
  I wanna go to the morgue
  I wanna see some stiffs chillin' on ice
  I wanna go to the morgue
  Yes I'm sure that it will be really nice
  Oh please Mister coroner won't you take us
  Seeing cold corpses is gonna make us
  Oh oohhh oh
  I wanna go to the morgue
  Morgue
  Morgue-A-Morgue
  
  [spoken]
  Janine,
  We wanna go to the morgue

• Love Stinks (previously released)

  A song based on the many ex-girlfriends of band member Ned Nugent

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:23

  Recorded: 1989

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Guitars, Bass Guitar: Will Wonkers

  Drums: Programmed by Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Love Stinks
  I think... Duhh
  
  How could that bitch leave me
  
  Love sucks
  Just my luck
  
  You stupid bimbo put your brains back in your brassiere
  
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  
  Love rots
  Like month old cod
  
  I should have known something was fishy when I found out your nickname was flatback
  
  Loves a joke
  I'm fucking broke
  
  She took everything I own
  
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  
  Love bites (crunch)
  What gives her the right
  
  Now she's probably gonna want half
  
  Love reeks
  Like spoiling meat
  
  If she thinks she's getting her underwear back she's crazy
  
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  
  Bitch

• Love Stinks (Like Rotting Fish) [Painful Life Choices Mix] (unreleased)

  A remix of the song based on the many ex-girlfriends of band member Ned Nugent

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:23

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Love Stinks
  I think... Duhh
  
  How could that bitch leave me
  
  Love sucks
  Just my luck
  
  You stupid bimbo put your brains back in your brassiere
  
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  
  Love rots
  Like month old cod
  
  I should have known something was fishy when I found out your nickname was flatback
  
  Loves a joke
  I'm fucking broke
  
  She took everything I own
  
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  
  Love bites (crunch)
  What gives her the right
  
  Now she's probably gonna want half
  
  Love reeks
  Like spoiling meat
  
  If she thinks she's getting her underwear back she's crazy
  
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  Love really stinks like rotting fish
  At the bottom of my fillet of soul
  
  Bitch

• Do You Love Me [Now That I Won The Lotto] (unreleased)

  A parody of the 1962 hit single by The Contours

  Original copyright 1962 Berry Gordy
  Parody lyrics © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:39

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Berry Gordy

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Bla Bla Bla Yack Yack Yack (previously released)

  Back in the day cassette sides rarely came out even, so rather than reshuffle the running order from the vinyl album, most cassette albums just left several minutes of silence at the end of one side. So we said “fuck this corporate fascist commie pig-dog buffoonery” and wrote this song specifically to fill the blank space at the end of side two of our first release cassette album We Shot The New Kids On The Block.

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Recorded: 1990

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  We're at a loss for another song
  When this little phrase just happened along
  It goes
  
  Bla Bla Bla
  Yak Yak Yak
  Yeah Yeah Yeah
  We're wasting time
  
  Bla Bla Bla
  Yak Yak Yak
  Yeah Yeah Yeah
  But at least it rhymes
  
  We said it was cheap
  So don't complain
  You didn't pay nine bucks
  So we'll sing it again
  
  Bla Bla Bla
  Yak Yak Yak
  Yeah Yeah Yeah
  We're wasting time
  
  Bla Bla Bla
  Yak Yak Yak
  Yeah Yeah Yeah
  But at least it rhymes
  
  (Instrumental under spoken word)
  I think this would be an appropriate spot for a really really bad guitar solo, don't you?
  
  Eeww, you weren't kidding. This is really really hideous!
  
  Ha, no no, you think this is really really hideous, check out what's coming up in the other speaker.
  
  Eehhiiiiwwwwee, can you say "Dying Cow"
  
  See what I mean.....
  Oh, how much time do we have running?
  
  We got about 45 seconds left.
  
  All right, I think we got time for just one more verse.
  (Singing resumes)
  
  We didn't want to leave a lot of blank space
  So we put this little mindless tripe in its place
  If you don't like it then we'll just stop.

• We Melt Vanilla Ice (unreleased)

  Do we really need to explain why this song was necessary?

  Copyright © 1992 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Scooby Doo (unreleased)

  A cover of the theme song from the famous cartoon of the same name.

  Original copyright 1969 David Mook & Ben Raleigh

  

  Length: 2:15

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: David Mook & Ben Raleigh

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• Acid Babble (released)

  Instrumental.

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 2:48

  Recorded: 1990

  Released: 2022

  Music: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  What's on it

  No lyrics. Trippy as hell.

• Power Hungry (previously released)

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Recorded: 1990

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Me-Ow Mixx (unreleased)

  Our own take on the famous commercial jingle.

  Original copyright 1974 Tom McFaul

  

  Length: 0:35

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Tom McFaul

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• I Love Vietnamese Food (unreleased)

  Inspired by a certain area in Chicago that had a disproportionate amount of Vietnamese restaurants and a striking lack of all forms of alley life.

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Republicrats And Demicans (unreleased)

  A commentary on the continuing degradation of the American political climate

  Copyright © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Republicrats
  And Demicans
  We'd like to kick you
  In the shins
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And by "shin" we mean suck my dick!
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  That's right!
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And it's left too...
  
  [sung]
  Demicans
  And Republicrats
  Washington whores
  And fat cats
  
  Lines were crossed
  Until they blurred
  There's no longer a difference
  Haven't you heard?
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  Heard what
  
  [Will, spoken]
  Heard the word
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  I thought the bird was the word
  
  [Will, spoken]
  No. The word is turd. And by "turd" we mean that we'd rather eat our own fancies than be ruled by you
  
  [sung]
  Occupiers to the left of me
  Tea baggers to the right
  And here we are
  Stuck in the middle with....
  
  Republicrats and
  Demicans
  To give you my vote
  Would be a sin
  
  You are traitors to you ideals
  And your country
  And your control
  Makes it less fun for me
  
  Red and blue
  Interwoven to
  A purple hue
  Right to left
  Left to right
  Night is day
  And day is night
  For...
  
  Demicans and
  Republicrats
  Avarice machinatious rats
  Tunnel vision zombies
  You're total ass hats
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  Speaking of ass, Will
  
  [Will, spoken]
  Yeah Ned
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  That fecies thing earlier in the song..
  
  [Will, spoken]
  Uh hu
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  I think I would rather eat a big steak dinner instead of a turd
  
  [Will, spoken]
  It's a metaphor
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  Oh
  
  [sung]
  Demicans and Republicrats
  How we wonder where you're at
  Up above our lives so high
  Like a spider that caught the fly
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And by spider we mean...
  
  [both, shouting]
  Stop sucking the life blood out of the republic and stop nursing the teat of the inviting bosom of lady liberty
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  No, really... Stop
  
  [Will, spoken]
  cauz it cold
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  And hard
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And you'll break your teeth cauz like she's made of metal
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  And she's a statue, and that just weird...
  
  [both, shouting]
  She's too tall for you anyways You intellectual pigmies!
  
  [sung]
  Occupy tea parties
  And bring your hat
  Go ask Alice
  She knows where it's at
  Treating the world like
  Your personal doormat
  
  We're not anarchists
  Or godless commies
  We just don't think our leaders
  Should make us cry for mommy
  
  Why cant we all just get a thong
  And start green Jell-O wrestling
  Instead of political besting
  To win our arguments
  And our wars
  And to right our wrongs
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And by "right our wrongs" we mean... It doesn't have to be lime Jell-O, just green. And not the crappy hospital Jell-O pale green crap
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  No, its gotta be that Technicolor emerald I live in fucking oz green
  
  [Will, spoken]
  Damn straight
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  That politically incorrect, never assume the sexual orientation of green
  
  [Will, spoken]
  You're right, sorry
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  Because green is like the super saiyan of yellow and blue
  
  [Will, spoken]
  Well I...
  What? Really?
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  Oh yeah, green'll fuck your shit up six ways to Sunday
  
  [Will, spoken]
  I think we have a verse coming up
  
  [Ned, spoken]
  Oh, okay when is...
  
  [Will, spoken]
  About 3
  2
  1
  
  [sung]
  Demicans and Republicrats
  Tea baggers Occupodos
  And Autocrats
  
  Some say you're nutty
  But we say you're batty
  We're not your bitch
  You're not our daddy
  Cant we just all
  Roll a big fatty
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And by "roll a big fatty" we mean Drugs!
  
  [sung]
  Tea bag the Demicans
  Occupy the Republicrats
  We keep getting thinner
  And they're all getting fat
  
  Republicrats and
  Demicans
  Pick one or the other
  And you still wont win
  
  Using our money
  To baptize your sins
  You think we're stupid
  You think we are thick
  Id like to hit you
  With a brick
  
  [Will, spoken]
  And by "hit you with a brick" we mean Bitch slap you with my dick
  
  [long pause]
  
  [Will]
  Is that it?
  
  [Ned]
  Yup, no more
  
  [Will]
  The song just ends there?
  
  [Ned]
  Yup, ran out of rhymes again
  
  [Will]
  Oh
  
  [Ned]
  Anyway, back to that turd thing
  
  [Will]
  Man
  
  [Ned]
  No really, I would rather have a delicious steak dinner
  
  [Will]
  No, it was supposed to illustrate what levels one would go to to avoid dealing with them
  
  [Ned]
  Could I just not vote for them in a nice restaurant?
  
  [Will]
  Your not getting it
  
  [Ned]
  No, I am, but why would I want to go that far if I could just get a juice steak instead of dealing with them?
  
  [Will]
  Well... but
  
  [start slow fade out]
  
  [Ned]
  And I would defiantly rather have a steak than a turd
  
  [Will]
  Now your just fence sitting on the issue
  
  [Ned]
  Much like the song
  
  [Will]
  Have we faded out yet?
  
  [Ned]
  Almost
  
  [Will]
  How long?
  
  [Ned]
  In about
  3
  2

• Revolution 10 (released)

  Not so much as a parody of, but more of a send up of The Beatles Revolution 9

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 8:27

  Recorded: 1990

  Released: 2022

  Music: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  What's on it

  A sobriety-resistant cacophony of noises, sounds and disjointed, fragmented conversations.
  
  Eight minutes and twenty-seven seconds of your life you will never get back.

• Time Warp (previously released)

  A cover of the famous song from the 1970's cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show

  Original copyright 1973 Richard O'Brien

  Length:

  Recorded: 1990

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Richard O'Brien

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• Time Warp [Speed Metal Bluegrass Version] (unreleased)

  Another version of a cover of the song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. What is the first thing you do after polishing off a really big big bong? Simple, force a few incompatible musical styles together!

  Original copyright 1973 Richard O'Brien

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Richard O'Brien

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• Time Warp [Another Version] (unreleased)

  And yet another version of this song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. This version was recorded specifically to be used as our musical backing tracks for the many performances we did as pre show entertainment before regular and special performance showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

  Original copyright 1973 Richard O'Brien

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Richard O'Brien

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• I Should Have Known Better With A Girl Like You (unreleased)

  A parody of The Beatles song of the same name

  Original copyright 1964 Lennon, McCartney
  Parody lyrics © 2011 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Lennon, McCartney

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  I should have known better with a girl like you
  With all the people you screw
  Now I itch, You're a bitch, through and through
  
  Oh, Oh, I never realized what a slut you'd be
  Sleeping with everyone around me
  You've got scabs, on your knees!
  
  And now I need some sort of shampoo,
  Oh to kill the crabs i got from you, oh
  And when I ask you to be chaste
  You're gonna say Shut up, let's screw
  
  I should have realized all this before
  Should have thrown you right out the door
  I've got sores, cause of you, you dirty whore
  
  Whoa, whoa, I never realized what a tramp you could be
  Sleeping with everyone around me
  Now I'm diseased, cause your a sleaze!
  
  Now I need some penicillin, oh
  Cause my cock is turning blue, oh
  And when I ask you to be chaste
  You're gonna say Shut up, let's screw
  You're gonna screw
  Doesn't matter who
  You're gonna screw
  
  .
  .
  

• Heathcliff (unreleased)

  Cover tune of the theme song to the 1984 cartoon of the same name.

  Original copyright 1984 Shuki Levy & Haim Saban

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Shuki Levy & Haim Saban

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• C U Next Tuesday (unreleased)

  A parody of David Bowie’s Love You Till Tuesday.

  Original copyright 1967 David Bowie
  Parody lyrics © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: David Bowie

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Dumb dumb dumb
  Dumb Dumb Dumb
  
  Just look from your front porch
  Russia is over there
  Little Miss Sarah's wailing
  The news is so unfair
  When you walk into church bearing the cross and flag
  
  Ahhh ahh Bristol's Baby
  Her delusion of grandeur started on Sunday
  But no votes for Sarah, so...
  C U Next Tuesday
  
  Duh duh duh duh
  Dum dum dum dum
  Ho ho ho ho
  Scum scum scum scum
  
  Who's that trailing last in the polls?
  Prospects look mighty slim
  Silly little Sarah his isn't golf
  The lowest score doesn't win
  If you lie with the party of tea, we'll have Bachman make you look sane
  
  Ahh ahh Bimbo Baby
  The party was hopeful until you spoke on Sunday
  Your vapid logic is never ending, so...
  C U Next Tuesday
  
  Duh duh duh duh
  Dum dum dum dum
  Ho ho ho ho
  Scum scum scum scum
  
  Let the wind blow through your ears
  Be rabid to your theocracy
  Never mind about research and facts
  Or that pesky reality
  The fringe shall always promote you until their coffers run dry
  
  Ahh Ahh Bewildered Baby
  Fan the flames of ignorant Sunday
  Your head's up your ass, so...
  C U Next Tuesday
  
  Duh duh duh duh
  Dum dum dum dum
  Ho ho ho ho
  Scum scum scum scum
  
  Well.... You might be able to stretch it to twenty sixteen
  
  (spoken in Palins voice)
  C U Nest Tuesday! So the plastic bastards are going to campaign for me?
  
  (male authorative voice)
  No governor Palin, The Plastic Bastards just called you a CUNT

• Excuse Me While I Go To The John (released)

  This song was written on a bet that we could not write a song based on the first words that came out of someones mouth who entered the room. It took about five minutes to write, and it shows. We proudly hold this song as the prime example of the very definition of the term 'Un-Easy Listening'. It was also meant as a segue into our cover of the Scooby Doo theme song.

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:37

  Recorded: 1989

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Excuse me while I go to the john
  Don't mind me I do it often
  I bet you think that I'm jacking off
  But I don't really care
  Cuz I steal soap
  
  Soap in the morning
  Soap in the evening
  Soap in my head to keep my mind clean
  Soap for breakfast
  Soap for lunch
  Soap in my head to keep my mind fresh
  
  From the Hilton
  Uhh!
  Howard Johnsons
  Uhh!
  And the Regency too
  O'Hare
  And from the air
  United Airlines to boot
  
  Soap in the morning
  Soap in the evening
  Toothpaste is soap and it keep my mouth clean
  Soap for breakfast
  Soap for lunch
  Soap in my head to keep my mind fresh
  
  Ah haaaa ahhhh
  
  Soap in the morning
  Soap in the evening
  Soap in my head to keep my mind clean
  Soap for breakfast
  Soap for lunch
  Soap on my TV?
  
  [spoken]
  General Hospital!?
  Oh man change the channel.
  [click]
  Hey dude look! It's Scooby Doo!
  Oh wow I'll get the popcorn
  All right!
  What do you think our next song should be, man?
  I don't know...

• Olde Time Horror (unreleased)

  A tune devoted to bitching about how much modern horror films suck.

  Copyright © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Remember when vampires were scary
  And werewolves were hairy
  Not sparkly pretty boys
  Or shitless boy toys
  On the cover of 14 magazine
  
  When shadows were dark
  And horror was hammer
  Not a teenage lark
  Of fashionable glamour
  Or just a pop culture amphetamine
  
  Give me horror
  Suspense or bloody
  Not some dumb
  Supernatural buddy
  
  Old time horror
  I miss you so
  New time horror
  You totally blow
  Modern horror
  You make me blue
  Cauz even Scooby Doo
  Is scarier than you
  
  Christopher Lee
  Or Vincent Price
  Some Boris Karloff
  Would sure be nice
  Instead of this contemporary muck
  
  When Bella was a man
  And not a fickle bitch
  Hollywood has thrown
  This genre in the ditch
  For the sake of making a quick buck
  
  Give me horror
  Frightening or gory
  Not some lame
  Dark love story
  
  Old time horror
  I miss so well
  New time horror
  You totally smell
  Modern horror
  You make me blue
  Cauz even the Munsters
  Are scarier than you
  
  Give me some Doctor Phibes
  Or the great Doctor X
  Not some whiney
  Teenage sex
  I want a scary humdinger
  
  Where is Lon Chaney?
  The creature
  Or The Tingler
  New wave horror
  Can suck my middle finger
  
  Give me horror
  Intense or gross
  This new crap
  Is not even close
  
  Old time horror
  I wish you were back
  New time horror
  Can lick my sack
  Modern horror
  You make me blue
  Cauz even the care bears
  Are scarier than you
  
  Jason and Michael
  And our old pal Freddy
  Could get that crimson
  Running quite steady
  
  John Carpenter could build
  Horror most macabre
  TobE Hooper was dope
  Not like these new slobs

• Foxie Newsies (unreleased)

  Parody of The Beatles song 'Piggies'. As the original was a social commentary of it's day, so too, is our parody. Poking fun at a certain 'news' agency.

  Original copyright 1968 George Harrison
  Parody lyrics © 2016 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length: 2:14

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: George Harrison

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Have you seen the foxie newsies?
  Slinging all the mud
  And reinvent the constitution
  'cause logic is a dud
  Lots of empty minds to play around in
  
  Have you seen the foxie newsies?
  In their staunch white world
  You will find the foxie newsies
  Waving flags unfurled
  Lots of Koch Brothers cash to roll around in
  
  In their chairs with corporate backing
  They make up what goes down
  Moral conscience is what they're lacking
  What they need is a damn good thrashing
  
  Everywhere there's lots of foxies
  Telling foxy lies
  You can see them inventing scandals
  And the truth deny
  Cutting off their guests to get their point in

• Music Industry Reject (unreleased)

  Copyright © 1992 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• We Shot The New Kids On The Block (previously released)

  Well, somebody had to propose the notion eventually

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:53

  Recorded: 1990

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Oooh, Five kids moved on to the block the other day
  Weren't much fun, never wanted to play
  Had to put them out of our misery
  Now the New Kids On The Block are history!
  
  We've
  Shot
  The New Kids On The Block
  Lined em up against the wall and gagged em with a sock
  But you should've seen those little suckers run
  when we pulled out our Uzis to have a little fun
  
  Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
  
  We've
  Shot
  The New Kids On The Block
  Yes, it's grim reality
  It ain't no crock!
  And now the whole world is feelin' jubilated,
  'Cause The New Kids On The Block
  Have been exterminated
  Yes, teeny-boppers, it's sad but true
  The bubble-gum scum aren't comin' to you
  
  "That's right, ladies and gentlemen. The tour has been cancelled.
  All ticket sales are final!
  If you bought' em, You're SCREWED!"
  
  We've
  Shot
  The New Kids On The Block
  Pumped 'em full of lead and pushed 'em off the dock
  
  Five New Kids,
  We shot!
  Uzis sub-machine guns,
  We've got!
  Merciful Plastic Bastards,
  We're not!
  'Cause
  We've
  Shot
  The New Kids On The Block!
  
  Hey,
  We've
  Shot
  The New Kids On The Block
  Strung em up by their toes
  And pelted the with rocks
  But you should have seen those teeny-boppers start to pout
  When we reached down their throats
  And ripped their scrotums out!
  
  We've
  Shot
  The New Kids On The Block
  Yes, it's grim reality
  It ain't no crock!
  Now the whole world is gettin' down,
  Because The New Kids On The Block are six feet under the ground!
  
  No more New Kids!
  No more New Kids!
  
  POW-POW-PA-PA-POW!
  
  They're all dead.
  
  Definite social statement, dude.
  
  Yup

• Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul (unreleased)

  A cover of the toe tapping tune originally sung by Meat Loaf in The Rocky Horror Picture Show

  Original copyright 1973 Richard O'Brien

  Length: 2:10

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Richard O'Brien

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• We Shot The New Kids On The Block [Dance Mix] (unreleased)

  Well.... Why the fuck not?!?!

  Copyright © 1991 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Sexy Bitch (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2012 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Keep On (unreleased)

  A parody of the song featured in the Brady Bunch episode 'Amateur Nite'. We changed only one or two words in each sentence of this song and it went from a joy ride in an inaccurately named roadster, to driving around in a stolen car while tripping and smoking pot, cruzing girls and fucking them in the back seat. Amazing what just one or two words can do!

  Original copyright 1972 Jackie Mills, Thomas Michael Jenkins
  Parody lyrics © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 1:30

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Jackie Mills, Thomas Michael Jenkins

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• The Continuing Story Of President Bill (unreleased)

  A parody of The Beatles song 'The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill'. Our version revolves around a certain 'incedent'.

  Original copyright 1968 Lennon, McCartney
  Parody lyrics © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Lennon, McCartney

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  (sung to the tune of The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill)
  
  Hey President Bill
  What hole did you fill?
  President Bill
  
  He went out poontang hunting with his cigar and signet ring
  He liked to stalk his prey in the western wing
  He's the Chef American bubble headed redneck king
  
  All the Congress scream
  
  Hey President Bill
  What hole did you fill?
  President Bill
  
  Deep in the oval office where the politicians lie
  Bill and his cigar took her for a ride
  Until scandal slapped him right between the thighs
  
  All the Congress scream
  
  Hey President Bill
  What hole did you fill?
  President Bill
  
  The Congress wanted him to be impeached
  I did not have sex with her, he began to screech
  But proof of coitus forced him to retreat
  
  All the Congress scream
  
  Hey President Bill
  What hole did you fill?
  President Bill

• Leg Humped By A Furry (unreleased)

  You know who you are...

  Copyright © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  I'm being leg humped by a furry
  Take your time... I'm in no hurry!
  Lift your leg, mark you spot!
  Cuz You know what gets me hot?
  its gettin leg humped by a furry!
  
  Leg humped by a furry
  gets SOME folks up in a FURY!
  But I don't care if its forbidden
  We just keep our fur love hidden!
  YOU should get leg humped by a furry!
  
  Leg humped by a furry
  You know, I need not ever worry.
  If I cant make it with the ladies?
  Hey - at least I wont get rabies!
  When I'm Leg humped by a furry!
  
  I get so euphoric
  when you go anthro po morphic!
  Might be a dog? might be a cat.
  might be a giant 6 foot rat!
  Climb on the sofa! pee on the rug!
  You can dress like Daffy duck, You can dress like Buggs... (IN DRAG!)
  
  Leg humped by a furry
  right or wrong? Well, it's sort of blurry...
  But I'm loving your fur-sona!
  and it makes me wanna bone-ya!
  And get leg humped by a furry!
  
  Leg humped by a furry
  Some ones coming - we better scurry!
  till the next time we can peg*
  *I get to dry hump on YOUR leg!
  And I'll be Leg humping a furry!

• Local Space And Time (unreleased)

  Unintelligible garbage made by Ned Nugent while learning to play the guitar. Ned does not try to play the guitar anymore...

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Jersey Whores (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2012 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Working Overnight At The Gas Station (unreleased)

  A reiteration in verse of the events involving an abhorrently long evening spent at an overnight job.

  Copyright © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  VERSE
  Looking around for something to rhyme
  Always at work, just cant find the time
  To write a new song to earn me a dime
  So ill just write what I see at work
  
  There's some gum stuck to the floor
  Some jackass tried to go in the out door
  This guys buying condoms for his 2-dollar whore
  She's been in here 5 times tonight
  
  CHORUS
  Working overnight at the gas station
  a hot mess nightmare amalgamation
  of punk ass losers and my dead aspirations
  Working overnight at the gas station
  
  VERSE
  A woman's steeling sugar for the coffee bar
  A guy picking his nose sitting in his car
  A worker tromping in trailing mud and tar
  I just fucking cleaned that rug
  
  There's a drunk staring at the doughnut case
  An old lady is getting up in my face
  Serve me now; I'm going to be late
  There are people ahead of you wait your turn
  
  CHORUS
  Working overnight at the gas station
  Waiting for my end of shift salvation
  Praying to god for a new vocation
  Working overnight at the gas station
  
  VERSE
  This chick complaining the coffees not hot
  Even though I can see steam rising out of the pot
  You saw me just make it you stupid sot
  I hope you burn your fucking tongue
  
  BRIDGE
  This kid just spilled soda all over the counter
  The drunk is now weaving and has begun to flounder
  The whore is back with a new guy to mount her
  God somebody please shoot me
  
  VERSE
  Do you have a restroom; no we go on the grass
  Some fucktard is smoking while pumping his gas
  Now the drunk just puked in my trash
  At least I don't have to clean it up
  
  Shopper complain that we're too expensive
  Says our selection is not too extensive
  And our magazine rack is not comprehensive
  This is a fucking gas station, not wall mart
  
  CHORUS
  Working overnight at the gas station
  Eight long hours of tribulation
  Sarcasm is my only salvation
  Working overnight at the gas station
  
  VERSE
  The 2-dollar whore now left with the drunk
  They guy she came in with was shit out of luck
  Tell it to the cop's pal, cauz I don't give a fuck
  They should be here an about 5 minutes for doughnuts
  
  Where is your ATM, a customer whined
  Its right over there by the ATM sign
  Are you trying to be smart, she said, salty as brine
  Well, one of us has to be the smart one in this conversation

• Mean Mister Phelps / Polyester Sam / He Broke Out Through The Closed Window (unreleased)

  A Parody of The Beatles songs 'Mean Mister Mustard', 'Polythene Pam', and 'She Came In Through The Bathroom Window'. Our version comments on the state of bigotry.

  Original copyright 1969 Lennon, McCartney
  Parody lyrics © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Lennon, McCartney

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Mean Mister Phelps lives in the dark
  Protests in the park, trying to damn mankind
  
  There's a hole within his soul
  Always looking for new foes
  He keeps looking down his nose
  
  Such a mean old man, mean old man
  
  His neighbors Sam wears a little frock
  He'll never stop, he's a no-hater
  
  Phelps calls him out for being a queen
  Only way that he's ever been
  Always shouts out something obscene
  
  Such a douchy old man, douchy old man
  
  Well you should see Polyester Sam
  So weird looking but he don't give a damn
  Well you should see him in drag, not your typical lad
  Yes you should see Polyester Sam
  
  Yeah Yeah Yeah
  
  Get a dose of him in platforms and skirt
  Decked out in glitter and such a flirt
  He's the kind of a guy that makes the Christians cry
  Yes you could say he was fab to the hilt?
  
  Yeah Yeah Yeah
  
  He broke out through the closet window
  Protected by a rainbow flag
  Now he sits in the club and ponders
  If he'd be any good at drag
  
  Everybody tried to shame him
  The righteous were so mean
  Preachers on the streets with hate signs
  Their dogma caused such a scene
  
  They said he'd always been a prancer
  Cut him down for being gay
  Said their religion had all the answers
  But he knew that was not his way
  
  So he stood up to the fascist assholes
  And fought for his civil rights
  The righteous tried their best to block him
  But the ACLU took up the fight
  
  Didn't anybody teach them?
  How could they not see?
  What might be right for someone
  Is not right for all humanity?
  
  Oh Snap!

• Bieber Loves Wiener (released)

  Yeah, you know he wants it.

  Copyright © 2011 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 2:21

  Recorded: 2011

  Released: 2011

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Guitar, Bass, Ukulele : Will Wonkers

  Drums: Programmed by Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Justin Bieber
  Wants a big wiener
  Justin, Justin
  So happy and gay
  He would partake
  Of a juicy tube steak
  Justin Justin
  Please go away
  
  (childish laughter)
  
  Justin Bieber
  Loves a big wiener
  Give him a foot long
  He can't go wrong
  Thick and round too
  No slim Jim will do
  This brat wants a big
  Bratwurst in his buns
  
  Justin Justin so happy and GAY
  He wants to knock up your knockwurst
  In the worst way
  Justin Justin would throw a buffet
  If you'd only let him batter-dip
  Your corn dog today!
  
  Justin Bieber
  Loves a big wiener
  Give him a foot long
  He can't go wrong
  Thick and round too
  No slim Jim will do
  This brat wants a big
  Bratwurst in his buns
  
  Justin Justin so happy and GAY
  Bieber's sharpened his meat cleaver so
  You'd better make way
  Justin Justin the insatiable hog
  He'll swallow up your beef stick
  And your foot long hot dog!
  
  Justin Bieber
  Loves a big wiener
  Give him a foot long
  He can't go wrong
  Thick and round too
  No slim Jim will do
  This brat wants a big
  Bratwurst in his buns
  
  Hey! Que Pasa,
  Won't you give him your kielbasa?
  He'll want it,
  He'll love it!
  Down his throat he'd love to shove it...
  
  Whos your daddy
  Whos your mommy?
  Whos the boss of the salami?
  
  Look out usher
  Look out moby
  Cuz hes after your meat stogie
  
  Justin Bieber
  Loves a big wiener
  Give him a foot long
  He can't go wrong
  Thick and round too
  No slim Jim will do
  This brat wants a big
  Bratwurst in his buns
  
  Justin Bieber
  Would commit misdemeanors
  He'd sell his soul
  For a steamy meat roll
  His favorite cut
  Is a big, juicy butt (steak)
  It ain't no baloney
  He wants fat pepperoni!
  
  [spoken]
  Dude!
  What?
  You know, we really shouldn't make fun of her like this.
  UmHum, Special Delivery, hot-diggity-dog!
  (laughter)
  Word!

• You Make Me Sick, Motherfucker (unreleased)

  A little country ditty dedicated to whoever fits the bill.

  Copyright © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Moving In One Direction (unreleased)

  A disparagy in verse for the stupid little boy band.

  Copyright © 2013 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• You're A Mean One, Reverend Phelps (unreleased)

  A parody of the Dr. Seuss song 'You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch'. This version tells it like it is about a modern day, real life grinch and general piece of shit waste of perfectly good atoms, Reverend Fred Phelps!

  Original copyright 1966 Albert Hague & Dr. Seuss
  Parody lyrics © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Albert Hague & Dr. Seuss

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  You're a mean one, Reverend Phelps.
  You really are a prick.
  You're congregation is a joke,
  You really make me sick.
  Reverend Phelps.
  
  You're a pious ass
  And a sanctimonious dick.
  
  You're a douchebag, Reverend Phelps.
  Your heads' an empty hole.
  Your heart is full of hatred,
  You've got evil in your soul.
  Reverend Phelps.
  
  I wouldn't Fuck you, with
  Someone else's pole.
  
  You're a vile one, Reverend Phelps.
  You have malice in your grin.
  You have all the loving tenderness
  Of a kick in the shin.
  Reverend Phelps.
  
  Given the choice between the two of you
  I'd take the kick in the shin.
  
  You're a nitwit, Reverend Phelps.
  You're the king of sinful snots.
  Your heart's as stale as month old bread
  With musty moldy spots,
  Reverend Phelps.
  
  Your so-called soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
  With the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
  Dogma imaginable,
  Mangled up in polemic knots.
  
  You nauseate me, Reverend Phelps.
  You really make me puke.
  You're a crazy jerky Pharisee
  And your existence is a fluke.
  Reverend Phelps.
  
  You're a three Decker homophobe and feces sandwich
  With smegma sauce!
  
  You're a foul one, Reverend Phelps.
  You're a sassy, nasty punk.
  Your heart is black and full of coal
  Your mind is full of junk.
  Reverend Phelps.
  
  The three sylables that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote:
  HO...MO... PHOBE!
  
  Did we for get to mention that you bear a striking resemblance to the Reverend Henry Kane from Poltergeist 2

• Breaking Out (unreleased)

  A cover version of the song that appears in a musical film that is sort of kind of an almost sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, called 'Shock Treatment'.

  Original copyright 1981 Richard O'Brien

  Length: 1:17

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Richard O'Brien

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• We Shot The New Kids On The Block [Demo] (unreleased)

  Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Brimstone Remix] (released)

  The same crappy song, now crappy and on fire.

  Copyright © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 3:15

  Recorded: 2022

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Christmas time is in the air
  With presents under the tree
  Unless of course, you've been a naughty child
  Then you'll burn in the bowels of hell...
  
  Christmas is canceled
  The Yule Tide dismantled
  The presents you bought
  Will soon be for naught
  Your joy and good tidings
  Will run into hiding
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  Your holiday cheer
  And all you hold dear
  Will soon be forgotten
  As memories gone rotten
  His pain you will feel
  As you squirm and squeal
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  He'll lash you with his tongue
  He'll bite you with his teeth
  He'll pull you down deep to drown
  In a pit of fire beneath!
  With big pointy horns
  And wrists in a shackle
  Your blood will run cold
  When you hear him cackle!
  HA HA HA HA!!!
  
  If you misbehaved
  Then you'll be enslaved
  He'll screw down your thumbs
  Shove coal up your bum!
  Old Krampus lay's waste
  And Santa's disgraced
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  You say what's that stench?
  You say what's that smell?
  It's brimstone direct from
  The fiery depths of hell!
  He'll snatch you up quick
  He'll stuff you in his basket
  He's the ANTI Claus who
  Puts you in a casket!
  
  He doesn't care if you are sleeping
  He'll beat you wide awake
  He knows that you've been bad - not good.
  He'll drown you in the lake... OF FIRE!!!!!
  
  Your future looks bleak
  You're way up the creek
  Your status quite dire
  He'll drown you in fi re!
  So go pout and cry
  Cause you're doomed to die
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  There's nowhere to run
  There's nowhere to hide
  Your yuletide probation has been denied!
  He'll kick you with his hooves
  He'll whip you with his switch
  Man being on Krampus' naughty list
  Is such a royal bitch!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Kram...pus... is co...ming... to toooown!
  CHA CHA CHA!

• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Hellzapoppin Remix] (released)

  New sound, same great fucking crappy taste.

  Copyright © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 3:16

  Recorded: 2022

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Christmas time is in the air
  With presents under the tree
  Unless of course, you've been a naughty child
  Then you'll burn in the bowels of hell...
  
  Christmas is canceled
  The Yule Tide dismantled
  The presents you bought
  Will soon be for naught
  Your joy and good tidings
  Will run into hiding
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  Your holiday cheer
  And all you hold dear
  Will soon be forgotten
  As memories gone rotten
  His pain you will feel
  As you squirm and squeal
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  He'll lash you with his tongue
  He'll bite you with his teeth
  He'll pull you down deep to drown
  In a pit of fire beneath!
  With big pointy horns
  And wrists in a shackle
  Your blood will run cold
  When you hear him cackle!
  HA HA HA HA!!!
  
  If you misbehaved
  Then you'll be enslaved
  He'll screw down your thumbs
  Shove coal up your bum!
  Old Krampus lay's waste
  And Santa's disgraced
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  You say what's that stench?
  You say what's that smell?
  It's brimstone direct from
  The fiery depths of hell!
  He'll snatch you up quick
  He'll stuff you in his basket
  He's the ANTI Claus who
  Puts you in a casket!
  
  He doesn't care if you are sleeping
  He'll beat you wide awake
  He knows that you've been bad - not good.
  He'll drown you in the lake... OF FIRE!!!!!
  
  Your future looks bleak
  You're way up the creek
  Your status quite dire
  He'll drown you in fi re!
  So go pout and cry
  Cause you're doomed to die
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  There's nowhere to run
  There's nowhere to hide
  Your yuletide probation has been denied!
  He'll kick you with his hooves
  He'll whip you with his switch
  Man being on Krampus' naughty list
  Is such a royal bitch!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Kram...pus... is co...ming... to toooown!
  CHA CHA CHA!

• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Ninth Circle Remix] (released)

  The same crappy song, with a different crappy sound.

  Copyright © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 3:15

  Recorded: 2022

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Christmas time is in the air
  With presents under the tree
  Unless of course, you've been a naughty child
  Then you'll burn in the bowels of hell...
  
  Christmas is canceled
  The Yule Tide dismantled
  The presents you bought
  Will soon be for naught
  Your joy and good tidings
  Will run into hiding
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  Your holiday cheer
  And all you hold dear
  Will soon be forgotten
  As memories gone rotten
  His pain you will feel
  As you squirm and squeal
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  He'll lash you with his tongue
  He'll bite you with his teeth
  He'll pull you down deep to drown
  In a pit of fire beneath!
  With big pointy horns
  And wrists in a shackle
  Your blood will run cold
  When you hear him cackle!
  HA HA HA HA!!!
  
  If you misbehaved
  Then you'll be enslaved
  He'll screw down your thumbs
  Shove coal up your bum!
  Old Krampus lay's waste
  And Santa's disgraced
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  You say what's that stench?
  You say what's that smell?
  It's brimstone direct from
  The fiery depths of hell!
  He'll snatch you up quick
  He'll stuff you in his basket
  He's the ANTI Claus who
  Puts you in a casket!
  
  He doesn't care if you are sleeping
  He'll beat you wide awake
  He knows that you've been bad - not good.
  He'll drown you in the lake... OF FIRE!!!!!
  
  Your future looks bleak
  You're way up the creek
  Your status quite dire
  He'll drown you in fi re!
  So go pout and cry
  Cause you're doomed to die
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  There's nowhere to run
  There's nowhere to hide
  Your yuletide probation has been denied!
  He'll kick you with his hooves
  He'll whip you with his switch
  Man being on Krampus' naughty list
  Is such a royal bitch!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Kram...pus... is co...ming... to toooown!
  CHA CHA CHA!

• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Acaphella Version] (released)

  The same crappy song with the music taken away, so you can hear precisely how crappy the singing is.

  Copyright © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 2:51

  Recorded: 2022

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  Lyrics

  Christmas time is in the air
  With presents under the tree
  Unless of course, you've been a naughty child
  Then you'll burn in the bowels of hell...
  
  Christmas is canceled
  The Yule Tide dismantled
  The presents you bought
  Will soon be for naught
  Your joy and good tidings
  Will run into hiding
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  Your holiday cheer
  And all you hold dear
  Will soon be forgotten
  As memories gone rotten
  His pain you will feel
  As you squirm and squeal
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  He'll lash you with his tongue
  He'll bite you with his teeth
  He'll pull you down deep to drown
  In a pit of fire beneath!
  With big pointy horns
  And wrists in a shackle
  Your blood will run cold
  When you hear him cackle!
  HA HA HA HA!!!
  
  If you misbehaved
  Then you'll be enslaved
  He'll screw down your thumbs
  Shove coal up your bum!
  Old Krampus lay's waste
  And Santa's disgraced
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  You say what's that stench?
  You say what's that smell?
  It's brimstone direct from
  The fiery depths of hell!
  He'll snatch you up quick
  He'll stuff you in his basket
  He's the ANTI Claus who
  Puts you in a casket!
  
  He doesn't care if you are sleeping
  He'll beat you wide awake
  He knows that you've been bad - not good.
  He'll drown you in the lake... OF FIRE!!!!!
  
  Your future looks bleak
  You're way up the creek
  Your status quite dire
  He'll drown you in fi re!
  So go pout and cry
  Cause you're doomed to die
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  
  There's nowhere to run
  There's nowhere to hide
  Your yuletide probation has been denied!
  He'll kick you with his hooves
  He'll whip you with his switch
  Man being on Krampus' naughty list
  Is such a royal bitch!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Krampus is coming to town!
  When Kram...pus... is co...ming... to toooown!
  CHA CHA CHA!

• Taʞo Hell [Short Version] (previously released)

  Also written Tako Hell.

  Lyrics Copyright
  Music Copyright © 1989 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 2:24

  Recorded: 1989

  Released: 2022

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Eh eh eh eh EH
  (uuh)
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  (uuh)
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  (uuh)
  Eh eh errarrawwrrr
  
  [sung]
  Cheap ground beef is all around
  Scraping dead rodents off the ground
  And if you're feeling a little green
  You just ate our burrito supreme
  
  Now you may think it's really swell
  But this sure ain't no taco bell
  Eat here if you can stand the smell
  This is really Tako Hell
  
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  Eh eh eh eh EH
  
  Well you ate a poison taco now you're gone croak
  (oooohhh)
  Pay a dollar ninety five if you want the antidote
  Maggots roaches worms and slugs galore
  (oh man that's gross)
  Take one bite and you'll want more
  
  Now you may think it's really swell
  But this sure ain't no taco bell
  Eat here if you can stand the smell
  This is really Tako Hell
  
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  
  Hey was that taco with or without boogers hum
  Death to Ronald McDonald
  Kill burger king
  
  Well thanks for coming and have a nice day
  But don't blame us if your stomach starts to decay
  We're proud to admit it
  Our food is the pits
  
  It can give you a grand old case of the.. uuh, runs
  Yeah
  
  Now you may think it's really swell
  But this sure ain't no taco bell
  Eat here if you can stand the smell
  This is really Tako Hell
  
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  (hell)
  Tako Hell
  
  This is Tako Hell
  This is Tako Hell
  This is Tako Hell
  (get out)
  This is Tako Hellllllll ah ah its hellllllllllllll

• Wipe Out (Rubens Pancake Mix) (released)

  A cover of the surf rock instrumental by The Surfaris.

  Original copyright 1963 The Surfaris

  

  Length: 1:36

  Recorded: 1990

  Released: 2022

  Written by: The Surfaris

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

• Also Sprach Zarathustra (released)

  Instrumental.

  Original copyright 1896 Richard Strauss

  

  Length: 1:13

  Recorded: 1990

  Released: 2022

  Written by: Richard Strauss

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN WATCH
  What's on it

  No lyrics. Strauss wrote about half an hour of it; everybody only remembers the ninety seconds Kubrick used, so we did those.

• 1-900-BAS-TARD A Micro Single Jingle (unreleased)

  Video only. Too short to qualify as a single.

  Copyright © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length: 0:40

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN WATCH

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Coo Coo Charlie (unreleased)

  A parody of the public domain song The Ballad Of Casey Jones, by way of a highly disturbing skewed take on a certain candy commercial.

  Original copyright 1909 T. Lawrence Seibert & Eddie Newton
  Parody lyrics © 1990 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: T. Lawrence Seibert & Eddie Newton

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Once upon a time there was a guy so weird
  Charlie Manson was his name, we hear.
  He had a little cult and he sure had fun
  He gave them LSD, each and every one.
  Charlie says "I am the new messiah!"
  Charlie says "You will worship me!"
  Charlie says "Now's the time for Helter Skelter"
  Prison's in your mind. Can't you see I'm free.
  
  Good and nutty
  Good and nutty
  Good and nutty

• Dignity Is No Longer On The Menu (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2023 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Flying Sad Man Dragon Machine (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2023 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• L Ron Hubris Institute For Wackademia (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2024 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Maxwell's Silver Hammer (unreleased)

  A cover of the Beatles song from Abbey Road.

  Original copyright 1969 Lennon, McCartney

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Lennon, McCartney

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• Peeing Fire (unreleased)

  A parody of Ring Of Fire.

  Original copyright 1963 June Carter & Merle Kilgore
  Parody lyrics © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: June Carter & Merle Kilgore

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Love is a costly thing
  and it makes my pecker sting
  bought some love for hire
  I feel like I'm peeing fire.
  
  she said she was clean
  but I found out she's a liar
  She went down down down
  And now I'm peeing fire
  And it burns, burns, burns,
  Like I'm peeing fire
  Like I'm peeing fire
  
  Cheap love just can't be beat
  And you'll find it on the street
  Jumped in the sack and we went wild
  Now she's knocked up with my love child
  
  My peckers dripping green
  From the VD I acquired
  I went to pound town
  And now I'm peeing fire
  And it burns, burns, burns,
  Like I'm peeing fire
  Like I'm peeing fire
  
  she said she was clean
  and I found out she's a liar
  She went down down down
  And now I'm peeing fire
  And it burns, burns, burns,
  Like I'm peeing fire
  Like I'm peeing fire
  
  And it burns, burns, burns,
  Like I'm peeing fire
  Like I'm peeing fire

• Sanity Is Not An Option (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2024 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Say Your Prayers Cap Boy (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2024 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• There's A Reason We Don't Fly (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2023 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

• Tiny Bubbles (unreleased)

  A cover of the Don Ho standard.

  Original copyright 1966 Leon Pober

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Leon Pober

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Read the lyrics at Genius.

• Tiptoe Through The Tulips (unreleased)

  A cover of the 1929 song, best known from Tiny Tim’s 1968 recording.

  Original copyright 1929 Al Dubin & Joe Burke

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Written by: Al Dubin & Joe Burke

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  [verse 1]
  Tip-toe through the window
  By the window, that is where I'll be
  Come tip-toe through the tulips with me
  
  [verse 2]
  Tip-toe from your pillow
  To the shadow of the willow tree
  And tip-toe through the tulips with me
  
  [verse 3]
  Knee deep in flowers we'll stray
  We'll keep the showers away
  And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight
  Will you pardon me?
  Come tip-toe through the tulips with me
  
  [instrumental]
  
  [refrain]
  Knee deep in flowers we'll stray
  We'll keep the showers away
  And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight
  Will you pardon me?
  Come tip-toe through the tulips with me

• Tread Lightly Upon The Lizard (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2023 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Tread lightly upon the lizard
  
  lying there on a rock
  looking like a scaly sock
  Stretching out looking for fun
  Chilling in the Summer sun
  The lizard is there, there for you
  
  The lizard is there
  Getting bigger everyday
  He is there for you
  for fun and play
  
  Don't know why he's so big
  Maybe it's a genetic experiment
  Maybe he's an alien
  Sent here for mirth and merriment
  
  Tread lightly upon the lizard
  And he'll let you stand on his head
  Tread lightly and do not fall
  Otherwise you may be dead
  Because he's really really tall and it's a long way down and you'll probably break your neck
  
  Tread lightly upon the lizard
  And on his back he will let you stand
  The lizard is a friend
  To every woman and man
  
  The lizard is your buddy
  The lizard has got your back
  The lizard will stand by you
  And Tokyo he will not attack
  Because that's not where he's at it's just not his jam that's for some other lizard
  
  Tread lightly upon the lizard
  As you ride him through the night
  He will always be on your side
  As he begins to take flight
  
  The lizard can fly
  You can fly he can fly
  Into the night sky
  The lizard treads lightly upon the Stars
  Because he's a magical space lizard
  And we are his and he is ours
  He's always got your back
  He's always by your side
  Tread lightly upon the lizard
  On his magical groovy space ride
  
  Tread lightly with the lizard
  Through the night and on the Stars
  He is friend to everyone
  To us will come no harm
  
  Magical space lizard
  Bestie to all mankind
  We're breaking free of the shards of reality
  We're watching Time unwind
  Like for real this is some pretty tripped out shit we definitely don't recommend being sober when experiencing these things
  
  Magical cosmic lizard
  You tread lightly upon my heart
  We love you magical space alien cosmic lizard.

• Wok The Dog (unreleased)

  A parody of Walk The Dog by Laurie Anderson.

  Original copyright 1981 Laurie Anderson
  Parody lyrics © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Laurie Anderson

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Well, I saw a lot of DOGS today and they were all made of MEAT.
  They were MEATY DOGS and they were made entirely of FOOD.
  I came home today and MY DOG WAS on fire.
  HIS COLLAR was on fire, and HIS hair was on fire,
  And flames were licking all around HIS feet.
  And I KNEW JUST what to do!
  And then a thousand KAZOOS began to play,
  And I really did EXACTLY know what to do then.
  So I just decided to go TO THE KITCHEN and WOK the dog.
  
  I LOOKED IN the TRASH, and I saw a dog WITH BIG BEAFY THIGHS.
  And this dog was made entirely of LUNCH.
  And he filled up the whole BIN.
  And his eyes were JUCIE EYES.
  He had those ROUND, TENDER, HORS-D'OEURVE eyes.
  
  I turned on the radio and I heard a song by MADONNA.
  And she was singing:
  Oh! I feel so NAUGHTY! I feel so BAD!
  IM DRESSED LIKE mom and HES DRESSED LIKE dad.
  And I just want to GET BONED now.
  I GOT MY SAFEWORD AND JUST WANT TO GET BONED now.
  Well, you know she's PROBABLY gonna go GET BONED.
  And I know she's PROBABLY gonna go GET BONED.
  And she knows she's never gonna USE THAT SAFEWORD.
  And I just want to know IF I CAN go and WOK her dog.
  Oh! I feel so NAUGHTY. I feel so BAD.
  But not as bad as the night I ATE this DOG.
  
  Close your eyes! (OK)
  Now imagine you're at the most wonderful BBQ.(OK)
  Delicious FOXHOUND. (Uh huh.)
  SAVORY POODLE. (Mm hmm.)
  DELECTABLE DALMATION. (Mn hmmh.)
  Now open them! (Oh no.)

• The Twelve Dismays Of Christmas (unreleased)

  A parody of the public domain carol The Twelve Days of Christmas. Same cumulative structure, same true love… gone terribly wrong.

  Original copyright Traditional with additions by Frederic Austin, 1909
  Parody lyrics © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Traditional with additions by Frederic Austin, 1909

  Original Lyrics: Traditional (first published c. 1780)

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  On the first day of Christmas my ex love gave to me a nasty case of VD
  
  On the second day of Christmas my ex love gave to me two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the third day of Christmas my ex love gave to me three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the fourth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the fifth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the sixth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the seventh day of Christmas my ex love gave to me seven toe jam fungus
  Six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the eighth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me eight whores a douching
  Seven toe jam fungus
  Six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the ninth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me nine welts a bleeding
  Eight whores a douching
  Seven toe jam fungus
  Six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the tenth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me ten cactus butt plugs
  Nine welts a bleeding
  Eight whores a douching
  Seven toe jam fungus
  Six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the eleventh day of Christmas my ex love gave to me eleven lice-filled hair combs
  Ten cactus butt plugs
  Nine welts a bleeding
  Eight whores a douching
  Seven toe jam fungus
  Six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD
  
  On the twelfth day of Christmas my ex love gave to me twelve bunnies boiling
  Eleven lice-filled hair combs
  Ten cactus butt plugs
  Nine welts a bleeding
  Eight whores a douching
  Seven toe jam fungus
  Six peptic ulcers
  FIVE GOLDEN SHOWERS
  Four death threats
  Three pounding migraines
  Two blue balls
  And a nasty case of VD

• 12 Gays Of Christmas (unreleased)

  A parody of the public domain carol The Twelve Days of Christmas, counting down twelve figures who were out, or outed, or simply undeniable — a partridge-free pear tree of icons.

  Original copyright Traditional with additions by Frederic Austin, 1909
  Parody lyrics © 2017 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Traditional with additions by Frederic Austin, 1909

  Original Lyrics: Traditional (first published c. 1780)

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  On the first GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me One Freddie Mercury
  
  On the second GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the third GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the fourth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the fifth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the sixth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the seventh GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Seven Liberace
  Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the eighth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight Rock Hudsons
  Seven Liberace
  Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the ninth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine Anderson Coopers
  Eight Rock Hudsons
  Seven Liberace
  Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the tenth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Ten Lance Basses
  Nine Anderson Coopers
  Eight Rock Hudsons
  Seven Liberace
  Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the eleventh GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Eleven David Geffen
  Ten Lance Basses
  Nine Anderson Coopers
  Eight Rock Hudsons
  Seven Liberace
  Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury
  
  On the twelfth GAY of Christmas my true love gave to me Twelve Rachel Maddow
  Eleven David Geffen
  Ten Lance Basses
  Nine Anderson Coopers
  Eight Rock Hudsons
  Seven Liberace
  Six George Takei
  FIVE BILLIE JEAN KINGS
  Four Ellen DeGeneres
  Three Truman Capotes
  Two Oscar Wildes
  And one Freddie Mercury

• Pick Her Off (unreleased)

  A parody of Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off.

  Original copyright 2014 Taylor Swift, Max Martin & Shellback
  Parody lyrics © 2014 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Taylor Swift, Max Martin & Shellback

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Taylor is the bomb, can't sit still we cant keep calm
  that's what her fans say uh uh, that's what her fans say uh uh
  She's top most of the pops, and Taylor really knows her chops
  At least that's what her fans say uh uh, that's what her fans say NO WAY!
  
  But she keeps cruising, cruising for a bruising
  It's cuz we got these Uzis in our hands and it's time to take out this blight
  
  'Cause all Taylor does is bitch bitch bitch bitch
  And her music makes our eyes go twitch twitch twitch
  We'll just dump her in the nearest ditch ditch ditch
  When we PICK HER OFF! PICK HER OFF!
  We don't buy her shtick, shtick, shtick, shtick, shtick
  She needs a Taylor-Swift kick kick kick kick
  Baby, we're just gonna pick, pick, pick, pick pick
  PICK HER OFF! PICK HER OFF!
  
  Overrated yet she sells, she's more annoying than Adele
  and that's what we can't stand uh uh, that's what we can't stand uh uh
  Don't like her tunes at all (like her tunes at all) Drives us up the fucking wall (up the fucking wall)
  And that's what we can't stand uh uh, that's what we can't stand uh uh
  
  But she keeps cruising, cruising for a bruising
  It's cuz we got these Uzis in our hands and it's time to take out this blight
  
  'Cause all Taylor does is bitch bitch bitch bitch
  And her music makes our eyes go twitch twitch twitch
  We'll just dump her in the nearest ditch ditch ditch
  When we PICK HER OFF! PICK HER OFF!
  We don't buy her shtick, shtick, shtick, shtick, shtick
  She needs a Taylor-Swift kick kick kick kick
  Baby, we're just gonna pick, pick, pick, pick pick
  PICK HER OFF! PICK HER OFF!
  
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  
  No, no, no, we don't really wanna put Taylor in front of a firing squad, just a little humor at the expense of her lemming fans that buy that wholesome girl next door crap.
  
  Taylor condescends all her ex boy friends
  We're like "oh my God" that makes fifty this week!
  We just need to intervene with an M-16
  Won't you lock and load, baby, we can pick, pick, pick
  
  'Cause all Taylor does is bitch bitch bitch bitch
  And her music makes our eyes go twitch twitch twitch
  We'll just dump her in the nearest ditch ditch ditch
  When we PICK HER OFF! PICK HER OFF!
  We don't buy her shtick, shtick, shtick, shtick, shtick
  She needs a Taylor-Swift kick kick kick kick
  Baby, we're just gonna pick, pick, pick, pick pick
  PICK HER OFF! PICK HER OFF!
  
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!
  We'll, we'll PICK HER OFF! We'll PICK HER OFF!

• Pill Cosby (unreleased)

  A parody of Gonna Have A Good Time, the Fat Albert theme song.

  Original copyright 1972 Ricky Sheldon & Edward Fournier
  Parody lyrics © 2015 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Ricky Sheldon & Edward Fournier

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Hey, hey, hey!
  It's PILL Cosby!
  And I'm gonna slip a roofie to you
  And then I'm gonna pull out
  my thing for a few
  Going to have some fun now
  with your sweet poo-tang
  Just lie still now,
  So Bill can do his thang!
  Na na na going to have a good ride
  Hey, hey, hey!
  na na na when I slip into your insides
  Hey, hey, hey!
  Na na na going to have a good ride
  Hey, hey, hey!
  na na na when I slip into your insides
  Hey, hey, hey!
  
  this is Pill Cosby glazing your sticky buns
  And if I'm not careful you might wake up before I'm done
  Hey, hey, hey!
  
  Na na na going to have a good ride
  Hey, hey, hey!
  na na na slip into your insides
  Hey, hey, hey!
  Na na na going to have a good ride
  Hey, hey, hey!
  na na na slip into your insides
  Hey, hey, hey!

• Science Fiction Double Feature Two Point Ohhh (unreleased)

  Not a parody but a sequel and a loving tribute. The original catalogued the science fiction of its day; we picked up the torch and carried it through the next twenty-five years of films.

  Original music copyright 1973 Richard O’Brien
  Lyrics © 1988 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length: 3:25

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Richard O’Brien

  Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  The Empire was mean
  When they came on the scene
  Darth Vader lost all control
  Then admiral Kirk arrived
  With the Enterprise, revived
  Paramount knew they were on a roll
  Ripley got tough
  Having had quite enough
  When the Xenomorph took its toll
  With a song and some dance
  Seymour sold out to a plant
  That came to eat the world whole
  
  Science fiction double feature
  Doctor west will reanimate a creature
  See cyborgs fighting
  Brad and Janet
  Will Robinson's lost on
  A distant planet
  
  Oh oh oh oh
  At the late night double feature
  Picture show
  
  John Aston went mad
  And seemed kind of sad
  When his killer tomatoes went splat
  Cameron gave us a shock
  and just a bit of some schlock
  when Arnold said 'I'll be back"
  Danas treatment was cruel
  By the Demigod Zuul
  Who conjured Gozer to crush New York flat
  Dave Bowman pleaded in vain
  as Hal went insane, and said:
  I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that
  
  Science fiction double feature
  Doctor west will reanimate a creature
  See cyborgs fighting
  Brad and Janet
  Will Robinson's lost on
  A distant planet
  
  Oh oh oh oh oh
  At the late night double feature
  Picture show
  
  I wanna go
  Oh oh oh oh oh
  To the late night double feature picture show
  
  By universal studio
  Oh oh oh oh oh
  To the late night double feature
  Picture show
  
  In the back row
  Oh oh oh oh oh
  To the late night double feature
  Picture show

• Like Any Other Night (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2019 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  [spoken]
  It was a night like any other night
  I was walking home from Glen Zens Pyrotechnic pancake bar and snorkel emporium
  when I happened across an Australian non binary mime doing a silent re-enactment of the magnificent 7 while having a day-glow orange ping-pong ball balanced precariously upon their nose.
  And I thought to myself, hey, there's something you don't see every day.. a day-glow orange ping-pong ball..
  so I folded up my pancake, put it in my pocket and approached this mime.
  Just as I was removing the snorkel from my mouth to say something the pancake started on fire and the mime looked at me and said:
  
  [sung]
  life is wonderful and unfair
  the world is deranged and no one cares
  there was a time when I could've had it all
  if it wasn't for this damn day-glow orange ping-pong ball
  its all going to hell
  but at this distance you cant tell
  no one can see the forest through the trees
  all except for me
  and that woman over there
  
  [spoken]
  wow, that was a lot to unpack.
  I just stood there for a moment, looking at the mime, then at the women they were pointing to, then back at the mime. So I padded my pocket until the pancake fire went out, turned to the mime and said:
  Hey, shut up! You're a mime! The mime looked down at the ground in shame. I felt real bad so I offered to trade them my smoking pancake for their day-glow orange ping-pong ball. This seemed to make them very happy and the instant they gave me the ping-pong ball, a golden stretch limousine pulled up next to the mime. The limousine door opened and a shower of money shot out of it and rained down upon the mime. The mime climbed into the car as happy as could be, and before they closed the door, they said to me "I finally have it all"! And I said "Shut up, you're a mime!"
  then the aforementioned woman turned to me and said...
  
  [sung]
  life is a miserable affair
  I hate my dress and my hair
  there was a time I thought everything was cool
  until I realized everyone's an utterly stupid fool
  its all going to shit
  nothing you can do about it
  everything's a hot god damn mess
  everyone hates my dress
  except for this koala bear
  
  [spoken]
  it was at this point the woman reached under her dress and produced the cutest little koala from her nether regions. This had to be the best dressed marsupial I have ever seen. From the mustard yellow and chartreuse polka-dot bow-tie right down to the shimmering red glitter gossamer tutu. The celery stalk sticking out of the left ear only seemed to accentuate the stylish nature of this fine example of mother nature. I was both in awe and humbled before this diminuative animal fashionista, what wisdom could I learn from it? Just then the little koala pointed to the day-glow orange ping-pong ball in my hand. I could see the desperate desire in his sparkling little eyes.. he was just so damn cute and such a snappy dresser how could I refuse the request. So I gave him the day-glow orange ping-pong ball. The koala snatched it from my outstretched hand and promptly shoved it up his rectum. Then he turned to climb back up under the woman's dress. But before he disappeared completely beneath the dress, he looked at me and said
  
  [sung]
  (sampled koala sounds)
  grunt grunt squeak grunt
  roar roar grunt roar grunt
  squeak grunt roar roar roar roar
  grunt grunt squeak grunt
  roar roar grunt roar grunt
  squeak grunt roar roar roar roar
  grunt grunt squeak grunt
  roar roar grunt roar grunt
  squeak grunt roar roar roar roar
  
  [spoken]
  well... how could I argue with that!? A shiver ran down my spine as I felt the universe imparted a secret wisdom to me through this mystical koala Sensei. Without another word the woman then got on a bus and I was left alone trying to disseminate the sage advice of the koala. I put my snorkel back on and continued my journey home along the quiet streets of Goose Pimple Junction, Virginia. When I finally got back to my appartment there was a man on stilts wearing a spice girls shirt and pants made out of bottle caps. He had a gorilla mask on his head, bright red nail pollish and was juggling plates that were exact replicas of the dinnerware from the titanic ontop of tall sticks made of bamboo. I finally realized this was my landlord. I did not recognize him at first due to the bright red nail polish. It's been ages since I've seen him as he was often taking night classes suddying to be a mime. Like, a REAL mime. Not like ONE THAT TALKS! ... just sayin'. Just as I was about to put my key in the door, he bent down and said:

• I Wanna Bang Your Mom (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2023 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  I want to bang your mom
  
  (First part spoken)
  
  Hey billy, you know you and I have been friends for a long time and well, things are getting a little weird. I've got these feelings, this this attraction and I will Billy I guess I'll just come out and say it
  
  (This part singing starts)
  
  I want to bang your mom
  that's right Billy I want to bang your mom
  Get her on all fours
  Going to do it on the floor
  I want to bang your mom
  
  [spoken]
  
  Hey hey there Billy whoa you look a little upset. You know you're my best friend I thought I could talk to you about this. I don't care what you say I'm going to follow my dream and...
  
  [song]
  
  I'm going to bang your mom
  Yeah Billy I'm going to pay your mom
  Can I get her nice and ready
  So she can take it straight and steady
  I'm going to bang your mom
  
  [spoken]
  
  Geez no need to wig out man. Come on come down I'm just kidding. No really I am. I was lying. I don't want to bang your mom you know why cuz...
  
  [sung]
  
  I already banged your mom
  Yeppers Billy boy I already banged your mom
  She boned me really good
  Just like I knew she would
  I already banged your mom
  
  [spoken]
  Why the long face, is that shock I seen your eyes? Tell me about it the best part of banging your mom was the pillow talk afterwards and man talk about shock she was telling me how her ex-husband was banging my ex-girlfriend so don't you see Billy it's really okay cuz this was just revenge sex for both of us. Hey man don't don't start crying look hey hey where you going no man I got to tell you the other stuff she told me all about when you were six and you spelled your name on the wall with your own poop hey
  
  (Voice starts to fade out in the distance)
  
  Billy don't run away I know about your teddy bear named Mr frudeles, the one with the hole in the crotch you little freak

• Demonic Taco From Dimension 22b (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2023 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  Demonic Taco from Dimension 22b
  
  It has demonic powers
  And the most horrific smell
  It's like taking Satan
  And Stuffing him in a shell
  Of hard tortilla...
  Of hard tortilla
  
  The demonic taco from dimension 22b
  It's going to come after you
  When it's done with me
  Way down in my intestine
  Where no one else can see
  I must poo poo
  Thunderously poo poo
  
  (Music stops, cuts directly too long wet stinky farting shit sound effect)

• Burger (unreleased)

  Copyright © 2022 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music & Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  I'm gonna eat that burger
  Not gonna lie
  I'm gonna gobble that burger
  Don't need no fries
  
  Ketchup
  Mustard
  Lettuce onion pickle
  Gonna munch it right now
  My fancy it will tickle
  
  I'm gonna swallow that Burger
  Rare and red
  I'm gonna devour that burger
  Until I drop dead
  
  Mayo
  Cheese
  Toasted tasty bun
  Going to stick it in my mouth
  For some gastronomic fun
  
  Beef
  Beef
  Beef
  Angus or ground round
  Munch
  Munch
  Munch
  Gonna really go to town
  
  On that burgerrrrr
  Oh yeah burgerrrrr
  Gimme that burgerrrrr
  Big beefy Burger

• Get Me To The Bank By Four (unreleased)

  A parody of Get Me To The Church On Time from My Fair Lady.

  Original copyright 1956 Alan Jay Lerner & Frederick Loewe
  Parody lyrics © 2017 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Alan Jay Lerner & Frederick Loewe

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN
  Lyrics

  A few more hours, available balance restricted
  A few more hours before I get evicted
  I'll be tossed out on the street, and it certainly won't be neat
  And I gotta rob Peter to pay my landlord Paul
  
  I got my paycheck just this morning
  Stuck the rent under my land lords door
  The checks good! I announce! I hope it doesn't bounce!
  Just get me to the bank by four
  
  Damn those banker their hours I abhor
  With all of my conflicts why can't they close at six?
  Just get me to the bank by four
  
  If I am dancing roll up the floor
  If I am whistling right out the door
  
  I got my paycheck just this morning
  Stuck the rent under my land lords door
  Got to get to the drive up before they go and close up
  Just get me to the bank get me to the bank
  Pete's sake, get me to the bank by four
  
  If Im flyin' then shoot me down
  If Im wooin' get the girl right out of town
  
  I got to get there in the morning
  Ding, ding, dong, they're gonna chime
  
  But get me to the bank, get me to the bank
  Pete's sakes, get me to the bank by four
  by four, by four, by four.

• INFOWARS.COM (unreleased)

  A parody of Suicidal Tendencies’ Institutionalized. The original was a kid nobody would listen to. This one is a man nobody should.

  Original copyright 1983 Mike Muir & Louiche Mayorga
  Parody lyrics © 2017 Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  

  Length:

  Vocals: Will Wonkers, Ned Nugent

  Music: Louiche Mayorga

  Original Lyrics: Mike Muir

  Parody Lyrics: Patrick Lynn Burns & Eugene Michael Chiovari

  Performed by: The Plastic Bastards

  BUY LISTEN

  Lyrics coming soon.

Yeah, well there is a LOT of unreleased material, isn't there?

ALBUMS

TITLE: We Shot The New Kids On The Block (released)

RELEASE DATE: 1990

FORMAT: Cassette Tape

CATALOG NUMBER: MRC-001

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

The cassette is the original release. These tracks were remixed and remastered for digital in 2022, and appear on streaming services under those titles.

TRACK LISTING SIDE A:

• Do The Twitch
• Death To The Yuppies
• I Wanna Go To The Morgue
• We Shot The New Kids On The Block
• Time Warp

TRACK LISTING SIDE B:

• Taʞo Hell [Short Version]
• Love Stinks
• Power Hungry
• Bla Bla Bla Yack Yack Yack

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Krampus Is Coming To Town - Special 4 Version Remix EP (released)

RELEASE DATE: 2022

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

TRACK LISTING:

• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Brimstone Remix]
• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Hellzapoppin Remix]
• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Ninth Circle Remix]
• Krampus Is Coming To Town [Acaphella Version]

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Art Rhymes With Fart (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Dali Llama (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Darling Fascist Bully Boys (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Dinner Music For Cheap Dates (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Give Me More Money You Bastard (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Jar Of Farts (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Songs For Sharks And Other Aquatic Life (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Unwanted (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

BUY LISTEN

TITLE: Journey To The Center Of Your Mom (Special MILF Music EP) (unreleased)

RELEASE DATE:

FORMAT: Digital

CATALOG NUMBER:

LABEL: Mr. Whadaphukinhel Records

TRACK LISTING:

• I Wanna Bang Your Mom

BUY LISTEN